I have been meaning to write this down for some time now. My mind has been full of “who is this God we keep talking about?” for a few weeks now..........................…. Where did this all really begin?? Is the question I would like to ask myself? I look back.. trace and think.. and rethink.
I went to Tirupati. It’s a wonderful place. The temple .. I can’t even recall the architecture there. I just remember rooms and rooms and rooms filled with people… waiting waiting and waiting for long long hours….and then you are standing right in the front.. only for a few seconds… hundreds of Diyas lit….the lord glowing in its light… you smell divinity., you feel divinity and you see it and sense it. Your heart fills with something…. I can’t really describe it. It’s a nice light flying free feeling.. all in just a few seconds… and you are pushed pushed pushed aside so that the thousands who are behind you experience that same divinity. (I am sure many experience it just entering or putting their foot on the Tirupati soil.)
Ok. So here was where it all started. Reached Tirumalia. Checked in. had a nice good Andhra dinner. Slept well and very comfortably. Woke up early and then… got out… tried to figure out where do you get your token for Darshan. Was guided from here to there and everywhere. After an hour of running around… finally finally figured out where Darshan tokens were being issued. You have to see the Q to believe it. Thousands standing, sleeping, eating…. All just waiting for the counter to issue tickets. The process is so slow. Stood there for about 30 mins…. And realised we hadn’t moved an inch. The guard tells us.. we have very little chances of getting a token for darshan even if the Q ever moved. We are way behind. Only 2000 tokens are issued. We will never get to it. Counter closes at 9.00 am. What do we do? We have to catch a train at night. Someone suggests we can go up to Tirupati and may be get some special darshan tickets (you need to pay only a few hundreds they tell us. Few hundreds?? Why should I even have to pay in the first place? Anyway I can’t afford to get into my thinking and questing mode at this time…… but my mind does not listen and it has begun WHY?).
Reach Tirupati. Find an information counter. Information counter gurus advice us to stand in the Q for special darshan tickets... (cost only a few hundred rupees more then the regular 50 rupee token...they say .. its easier, quicker and much simpler). Says counter opens only at 8.00 am. We find where we need to be. Its 8.00 am. Counter isn’t open. Its 8.30 am counter still not open. Its 9.00 am counter still not open. No one is there any more at the information counter to help you. I believe the management has just announced that due to heavy traffic of visitors “No tokens will be issued for today’s darshan.”. The counter for NRIs and anyone who makes a large donation via cheque to the temple is open. You can get through this one. Make a donation to the temple and get a token for Darshan. Dad is more than eager to do this. I stand there……look at the long long Q for free Drashan. People…. Who have come with their little children standing here….. they are the ones who need GOD the most to help them and are willing to stand for look hours just for one glimpse of him. To show him their faith. And then there are a few like us. Willing to make things easy. Pay and get away. Get what we want. We have it and we use it, and why not. I dint allow dad to make a donation just to get Drashan tokens. Told him that we needed to give that money to a friend who has started an organization for under-served children.
Now .. what is it? Why is there a difference in a place of worship?? Why can’t we all be one at least here?? I totally understand the economic differences…. I mean how else would this world of we humans work?? We thrive on this economic difference. So … what is god doing? The management? Gods all powerful right! He knows what’s right and what’s wrong. And yet he has allowed “us” to do this. How could he? Then where is he here? Cant he see the kind of difference that we make.. even in his place? Why does he not intervene? Who has made this crap management? Who has allowed them to make a difference in places of worship? Should we not have all been treated just the same? What makes an NRIs faith more important than a farmer’s who has just lost his land or is hoping to be able to pay back his loan on time? Why should I have to pay to worship? Or rather why is it that who can pay get special privileges? What’s happening? Why does money make the world go around?
I always land up with so many questions. My last trip to tirupati…. Has left my mind full of questions on God and the management who run these places. I am sure I will just think think think about it and then this though will die out. We have allowed them to do this and therefore I guess we should never now sit and find faults. But why can’t I stand up against this system? I am never going to pay to get to see God or to get into a temple. I am always going to go the free way….even if it means standing for hours. I won’t add to this whole money business. What I give is something personal…… I won’t allow management to tell me or make it compulsory for me to pay. I won’t allow them to do this to me …….
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